I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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