Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
