my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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