i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
