just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize