just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You're a waste of cheezeits
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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