I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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