Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
