dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
