thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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