Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
