Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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