he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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