i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
