I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
