i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
