It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
