so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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