I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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