I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
