After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
