Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
