I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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