Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
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Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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