No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
