I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
