who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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