I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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