He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
