soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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