i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
