Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
