so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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