just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
