yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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