OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
