My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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