wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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