wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
