You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
