So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
