you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
