If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.