Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
