Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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