guess who came home with a hottie last night
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children