You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.