You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
