did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
