i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
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I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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