Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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