Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
