I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
