when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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