how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
