Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
