she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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