So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
