i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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