Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
