i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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