True but thats because hes a fetus.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
