South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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