I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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