Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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