North Korea, Best Korea!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
