At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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