dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
