I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
