Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
