i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
