It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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