Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
