i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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