Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
