I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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