Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
