This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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