Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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