you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
