I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
