your room smells of hookers.
And success
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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