every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
