my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
