Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
