The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
