He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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