they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
