Rock
Scissors
Fuck
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
