Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
well you can't waste a boner
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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