Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
