I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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