Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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