But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
