Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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