remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
