I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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